I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
