My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
