They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
