i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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