Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
