i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We had to coat check the pizza.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
