She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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