Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
