why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
