...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We got so high we made milksteak
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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