question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
