It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
