Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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