I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
