She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
