My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're not piercing ourselves today.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
