like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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