Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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