If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
