when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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