remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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