WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
