I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
