If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
third nipple confirmed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
