I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
