There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
