Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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