my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
