I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
