The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
