i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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