Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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