he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
