Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
