I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
