Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
