What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I didn't notice because vodka
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
