The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
