Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
