Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
