so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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