i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
