we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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