I cockslap morals
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
