if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
