I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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