just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
