discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
