Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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