My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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